king leer

“30.15 _ empty” by Matthias Rhomberg

POETRY

by Nadia Dasi Tamayo

I have played dead when hands were searching my body 

for a spontaneous destination. 

I have tried to giggle 

& choked on breaths that surprised me. 

When all air was locked up in my head 

I could be the prickly skin of a feather 

bag, loose and forgiving  

always caressing a cheek  

succumbed to suffocation. 

I liked to imagine I was valuable. 

Maybe I contained  

something warm & empty 

& begging to be taken. 

But I have lied there like an Egyptian king, 

felt a weight in my spine being broken 

again & again  

with my mouth open & my eyes closed,  

skin & clothes unraveling with the dirt  

falling from my eyes 

tears making stain that soiled my beautiful 

deer-child legs, trembling & coated with 

the birth of 

wet hair,  

stomach churning with the rabbit leap beat  

of unwanted gifts returned, 

the world turning under me, then 

my wrists pulled back in a knot 

as if all my weight  

could form behind me  

and disintegrate  

into that appendage of horror, 

only to find that after my circle of sanity 

wailed itself into breaking,  

I was empty.