Dreams of Water

“Dreams Are Like Water” by Decafinata

TOMASELLI AWARD, Winner

FICTION

by Poroyé

The first time he tried to kill her, Maya thought she was dreaming.  

Like many of her nightmares, they started underwater. She was seven years old at the time, and often found herself living in a world of her own making; that is, filled with various mythical sea creatures and other oceanbound beings that existed in her mind alone.  

Her body was floating and curled in a fetal position, in the same way that she fell asleep.  

She always knew she was at the center. In this dreamstate, she had a keen sense of direction, an all-knowing internal compass.  

Maya saw something move in the near distance. A shimmering thing, slowly orbiting around the area in large circles. She couldn’t make out every detail, but it had a massive, almost ancient presence that could be felt.  

“Who…who are you?” she called out hesitantly.  

Nothing in response. The creature continued in slow, deliberate circles, only inching a bit closer.   

“Who—,” she began again.  

Before Maya could finish her question, the creature lunged at her with full force. Conjuring up several limbs, it pushed her down violently to something solid. Its body began to stretch itself around her waist, making a hiss sound as it tightened its grip. Its skin was covered in jagged scales and was rough to the touch. It seemed to be a faceless thing, endlessly winding around her and cutting off her body’s circulation. She felt a trickle of sweat run down the back of her neck. She was too startled to scream.  

Before she could find its face, Maya woke up in a violent daze. She bolted out of the sheets in her bed, most of which were now torn and dampened with sweat. Unknowingly, she hit the glass lamp sitting on her nightstand and heard a definite crack once it hit the floor. Her fists throbbed in pain, but she couldn’t seem to relax her muscles enough to tend to them.  

When she got a better grip on her surroundings, she was met with her mother’s embrace. Her mom had managed to catch her before she broke anything else. She rubbed her arm slowly and deliberately, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay…it’s okay…it’s okay…,” she said in an even tone.  

Maya felt her pulse slow down and tried to match the even pace of her mother’s voice. She was always good at this. When Maya had trouble sleeping, she would sit on the couch in the living room, waiting for Ma to come home from her late night shifts at the hospital. Maya would talk in great detail to her about the things she was afraid of: vampires, boogeymen, zombies, witches and warlocks. She would tell Ma where they were hiding in the house, hoping she could find them there and shoo them away. She would ramble on about them until she was too tired to remember where they were hiding.  

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ma asked, holding her close to her chest. She smelled of frankincense and cocoa bread. Maya clung to the smell, hoping it would tether her to reality.  

Surely she would understand. She had told her about dreams before. Many of them had been about monsters, sure. Sometimes they came after her. But none had ever come that close. None of them had really tried to hurt her. How was she supposed to tell Ma that she could still feel the grip of a faceless beast winding around her body, that she could still see it when she blinked? That this one felt…real? For the first time, she was rendered speechless in her attempts to tell her about this dream.  

Maya took a deeper breath and tried to speak. “I…I think something…I think someone… tried to—” she started, but was quickly cut off. The door of her bedroom creaked open and He marched in with heavy steps. The light broke in from the living room and outlined his lanky silhouette.  

“Maya, what’s wrong?!” He more so stated than asked. He came in and sat on the other end of the bed. He caressed her face gently in an attempt to console her. His skin felt scaly and dry to the touch. The monster in her dream was nothing like Him and yet, in this moment where he held her face, the fear she felt was too palpable to deny. She didn’t know why, but she could feel tears prickling in the back of her eyes, threatening to spill over. She turned away from Him and tried looking around her room to find the right words.  

She stared at the clock, a blinking 2:00 AM in bright red. She looked at her mother’s face, failing to hide her fatigue. And she looked back at Him, whose face now drew an unreadable blank. She knew how stupid she looked already without trying to tell them what was in her head.  

It was best to just leave things as they were.  

“I…think I had a bad dream,” she said, words shaky as they left her tongue. It felt false, that statement. But that had been it. She just needed to calm down.  

He laughed a bit, trying to lighten up the mood. “Yeah no kidding,” he said. “You woke up the whole house screaming bloody murder! Chill out kid, okay?” He chuckled as he made his way up and out of her room. His voice was a bit too loud, too shrill, and all of a sudden she found herself tired and shivering without her blankets.  

Ma held her palm to Maya’s damp forehead. “You’re burning up”, she murmured. “Let’s get you out of these clothes and back to sleep, okay?”  

She nodded weakly and followed her mom out of bed as they looked around the room for clean bedsheets.  

The next time Maya saw a creature like that again, she was fourteen. She was sitting on the floor of her bathtub, and letting the faucet run generously until she was fully submerged in warm water. She eased back, allowing her legs to stretch across the tub. She relished in this newfound solitude, pouring copious amounts of bath salts bought from the corner store into the tub. She had seen someone do this in an infomercial and always wanted to try it, but knew how much her mom hated baths because they wasted so much water.  

Now, with Ma out of the house for a brief couple of hours, she could finally seize the moment. She lit a candle, rested it on top of the toilet seat, and turned off the lights. She took a deep, mindful breath and closed her eyes for a second, trying to mimic the actress she watched on the television days prior. The lady in the infomercial looked so beautiful, so unbothered, and Maya envied the ease with which the lady could find her own rest and stillness.  

She looked up at the ceiling and tried to zone out for a while.  

Moments later, she heard the door of the bathroom unlock. Before she could open her eyes, she felt a pair of rough, scaly hands cover her mouth and grip her by the waist. She pushed back against this force and tried to pry the hands off of her face, but struggled to move against the weight of whatever was strangling her body. She thrashed against the water, gripping the faucet and trying to force this thing to get away, get away, get away.  

This is it, Maya thought. This is how it ends. She saw bright red spots dance across the  black behind her eyelids as she accepted her fate. This had felt too familiar and strange all at once, and she was tired. Somehow she knew what would happen next. She knew it would be over soon, only once she let the creature have its way with her. 

And then: “Maya!”  

The sound of her mother’s voice cut through the chaos like lightning, and she was finally able to open her eyes. Once opened, there was no monster, no creature, no weight on her naked body. But she was too exhausted to move, staying in the tub with her head turnt to the ceiling. The candle sitting on the toilet seemed to have burned for a long time, and a milky remnant of the wax stilled at the bottom as the wick burned its last glimmer of light.  

You’re too late Ma, she wanted to say. I’m as good as dead now. She closed her eyes and sat in the dark of the bathroom, waiting for her mother to find her.  

Her mother gasped when she made it to the bathroom. “Maya!? Geez, honey. What happened here?” she turned on the lights and motioned generously with her hands. “Why is everything soaking wet?” Her tongue clicked, half in confusion, half in anger. “Goodness, this is why I don’t like baths. Look at this mess!” She put her hands on her hips. “Can you put some clothes on and clean this up? I don’t even know why—-” She stopped after looking at her daughter, her face unreadable but now with silent streaks of tears making their way down her cheeks.  

Her mother’s face changed. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, softening her tone. “Do you need a minute? I just heard you screaming when I got back, so I rushed here. Did something happen?”  

Maya mustered what leftover strength she had and turned her head to look at her mother. “Somebody hurt me, Ma. Really badly. Didn’t you see him?”   

“See him?” Ma repeated. “See who?” She turned around trying to find the being Maya spoke of. Maya turned her head silently, too tired to explain.  

“Maya,” her mother started. “No one’s been in the house all day. Your sister’s tutoring at school until six, and your father should be coming home from work right about now. I just got back from the pharmacy to grab that medicine you asked for the other day.” She cocked her head a bit, looking more concerned. “Who hurt you? Did you hear anyone else in the house?”  

Maya shook her head in disbelief. She couldn’t have made this one up, not this time. She had lots of dreams, but this was not one of them.  

That’s not true, she wanted to say. He was here. In the bathroom, in the bathtub. He rattled the door and broke in. Didn’t you hear me? She wanted to say. Didn’t you hear me scream? 

But those words were too hard to say out loud. They hurt; they tasted of blood, and she had seen enough of that for today. Sometimes it was best to swallow the truth whole and let it die there. I’m as good as dead now, she reminded herself. It was almost comforting to hear that, to know the worst was over.  

“I’m sorry,” is what Maya managed to say in response. “I saw a rat in the corner and I freaked out. It got away, so it’s fine,” she shrugged. “I’m sorry I screamed. I’ll get out of the bath if you want me to”. Good as dead, good as dead.  

Her mom narrowed her eyebrows, unconvinced. “Honey, did you fall asleep in the bathtub? Are you having those nightmares again?” she pressed on. “Tell me what’s really going on, because we definitely don’t have rats,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.  

“Mom!” she cried out, exasperated. Not this again. Nobody ever believed her when she said she had a bad dream. She had learned that a long time ago.  

“I didn’t fall asleep! I’m not dreaming! I’m not crazy! I saw a rat, and I freaked out! Can’t you just believe me?” 

Her mother stared at her for a long time with her jaw locked in place. Rarely did she get upset with Maya, or with anyone for that matter, so she knew she crossed a line.  

“I’m sorry for wasting the water,” she said, breaking the silence. “I know you hate it when I do that. It won’t happen again,” she whispered. “I’ll get out of the bathtub in a second, okay Ma? I promise.” Maya managed to muster a weak smile, trying to wipe the streaks of tears that remained on her face.  

Her mother nodded wordlessly, dropped the package of medicine on the bathroom sink for her and left the bathroom.  

That night before she went to sleep, Maya fixed herself a cup of chamomile tea, laden with honey and evaporated milk. She took a stash of her sister’s weed that she hid in her room and kept it underneath her pillow in case she woke up again. She sat on her bed and opened up the package of medicine.  

She held the tiny bottle to the light pouring in from her window and read the label:   

Nitrazepam 5mg Tablets. Use for short term treatment of insomnia only when it is severe, disabling, or subjecting the individual to extreme distress, where daytime sedation is acceptable. Side effects include (but not limited to): dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, moodiness, depression. Please stop use if extreme side effects persist. Long-term chronic use is not recommended. This has not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.  

She pressed the pill to her tongue and took a large gulp of her tea, hoping to dream of darkness.  

A few moments after she dozed off, Maya found herself sitting in a chair in a bright white room. She wasn’t sure where she was, but the place felt familiar. She could hear light elevator music playing in the distance, and the click of heels progressively getting louder.  

A few feet away from where she sat, a woman wearing a lab coat and stethoscope sat a few feet away from her. She looked familiar even though she’d never seen her before.  

Maya crossed her arms and closed her eyes. Maybe if she pretended the woman wasn't there, she’d disappear. Being stuck in a white room was alright, but she didn’t want to see anything else that would wake her up.  

To her relief, the woman in the lab coat stayed silent. She put on a pair of glasses and scribbled something into a notepad. She flipped a page and wrote meticulously until she got to the end. Then she flipped her notebook and continued scribbling. The lady was so engrossed in this that Maya thought she was invisible to her.  

After what felt like a long while, the woman looked up and pressed her glasses to her face. “Maya”, she called in a monotone voice. The room echoed with her sound. The woman looked her directly in the eyes, and her heartbeat picked up the pace.  

“Has anyone…has anyone ever touched you?” 

Maya woke up and vomited on the carpet floor.  

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

A few days later, Maya’s dad heard a crisp knock on the door and promptly opened it. Standing outside was a short middle aged woman with thick glasses. The woman looked up from a clipboard she was carrying and greeted him with a big smile. “Hello”, she responded warmly. “My name is Nelly Bridges, and I’m one of the social workers at Oak Hill High School. I wanted to know if I could speak to the parents of Maya Torres? We got a concerning call from her this week, and some observations that we wanted to discuss with the family.” 

Maya’s mother heard Nelly from the bathroom and made her way to the front door. “What’s this about?” she asked both of them while drying her hands on her sweatpants. Dad shook his head looking confused.  

Maya bit her nails and paced around in her room, unsure on whether she should be listening to the conversation outside or not. She considered hiding in her closet, or jumping out of her window, but couldn’t commit to either plan.  

“Everyone has bad dreams”, she heard her Dad say in conversation with Nelly.“You think she’s the only one who sees things at night?” 

Ma knocked on her door slowly. “Hey Maya”, she heard outside her door. “Can we talk real quick?”  

She froze with her back turned, while her mom waited for her response. “Sure,” she said softly. The sound of her own heartbeat grew so loud that she barely heard when her mom stepped inside.   

Ma didn’t say anything for a long time. So much for talking. She kept her back turned around, afraid to face her.  

“I…I think I know what’s going on,” Ma started. “I…I just don’t know why you didn’t tell me, or…” she trailed off. “...I just wish I heard it from you first, Maya.”  

She took a deep breath. “Ma”, she said. “When I’m asleep, I see lots of things. I dream about monsters. I dream about creatures. I dream of water. But I didn’t dream about that, Ma. And you know it. I don’t know a lot, but I know that at least. That shit was real. Dad touched me and that was real.”  

Maya didn’t turn back to see her mom shaking. She didn’t turn back to see her tears; she didn’t need to.  

“Hey Maya?” she heard outside the door. “It’s Nelly from school. Would you be able to come out and talk with us for a little bit?”  

Maya took another deep breath, turned around, and stepped outside.