What I Won’t Miss

Alex Bennett, “Tatters”

By Ahshara Colon

I won’t miss the cold. Not like 50-degree weather with a bit of a chill. I mean feel-it-in-my-bones-and-shiver-for-fifteen-minutes-after-entering-the-heat-of-my-house cold. I won’t miss going back and forth on whether I should move to California because the weather is better. And that’s sad.

I won’t miss these Tik-Tokers that I see on my feed all the time, “bitch. corvette, corvette, hop in a mf jet like that…”, “man, your girl so fine that her …”, “Oooh I’m blinded by the lights…”. That song was cool over the summer and all, but if I hear Blinding Lights by The Weeknd one more time, I might scream. Or that other song by Doja Cat that was pretty popular too. I won’t miss senseless arguments on Instagram about whether a man should buy his girl a Birkin bag and then being deemed worthless if he can’t. I won’t miss everyone chiming in about it saying that their man should buy them a Birkin bag because it's worth it… blah, blah, blah.

I won’t miss social media and how it caused family gatherings to turn into cellphone gatherings.  The way they stared into their screens while I counted the leaves on a plant. Everyone seems to be worried about capturing the moment, but I was raised to be present in it. I won’t miss these “YouTubers” who make it or break it via the Tube while I wonder if I should start going down that path too, ha-ha. I won’t miss young girls idolizing people like the Kar-Jenner’s because, let’s face it, most people don’t have their lives or bodies, yet so many people want to attain it. 

I won’t miss having “friends” that question my desire to further my education and career rather than worrying about relationships. And constantly explaining my decisions to people who think I should be doing something different with my life--that’s tiring. I won’t miss wondering why I have more betrayed relationships in my life than real ones. I’ll reminisce on the times where I considered not being nice anymore and turning into a bad bitch so that people could know how I felt. So, they could understand how it feels when a call is declined and a text ignored, only to have a response that says, Sorry, I was busy. But, you know, I won’t miss the logical side of my brain telling me that’s not a good idea because I know I’m not like that. I don’t have it in me to do the things people have done to me. I won’t miss wondering whether to text someone I haven’t spoken to in a while. I know they probably won’t respond. People complain that someone they texted posts on their social media, but can’t text them back. Then they turn around and do the same thing--it’s a terrible double standard. They say that the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, and I won’t miss the feeling of coming to this realization myself.

I won’t miss the people protesting the “wear a mask” mandate while walking around with their masks off looking like complete idiots. I won’t miss Karen’s either. Or that feeling of not wanting to watch the news because I know that all I’ll see is the numbers of Covid-19 cases and deaths rising. No one likes to hear about so much death and sickness and not be able to do a thing about it, other than tell people to follow the Goddamn rules. Because it’s not that hard to follow rules, and to wear a fucking mask. I won’t miss human’s inherent selfishness because if everyone were a little less worried about themselves, and only themselves, the world would probably be a much better place. I won’t miss the current state of the world because it’s all going downhill.

I love music. It’s one of those things that I probably can’t live without. I always discover songs that help me with what I’m going through, but I won’t miss listening to ones like “Fuck tha Police” by N.W.A. and realizing how their lyrics transcend time. Did these artists think that the stuff they rapped about would be going on in 2020? Probably not. History keeps repeating itself, and I won’t miss hearing angry, fed-up, and heartbroken people send the same messages without anyone receiving them.

I won’t miss the constant videos of black men being shot or strangled to death on the web and the tears pouring down my face because I know that could be my dad or brothers one day--God forbid. I won’t miss people being so blind to racism in a country that’s supposed to be “liberty and justice for all” that they say stuff like “all lives matter” to make themselves feel important.

I won’t miss the stories about Muslim people, somewhere in China, forced into internment camps, and denied their god. Then made to eat pork. Anyone with a heart knows that isn’t okay. I won’t miss hearing the words Terrorist attack on T.V. or the 9/11 memorial we do every year to honor those that died fighting or died trying to. I won’t miss President Trump calling countries that my parents are from shithole countries on national television and somehow not get punished for it.

If someone told me a few years ago that this is what the world would be today, I probably would’ve laughed in their face. Because nothing could’ve prepared me for this reality. Nothing. But that’s how life is, right? No matter how much you prepare, if it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen. I won’t miss contemplating what the future holds. It’s so uncertain and stressful worrying about it all the time.