Dear Customer

Eric Afflerbach, “Janus”

by Mia Paquin

Excuse me miss, you really are a hoot!

Hi sweetie, you’re real cute but try to put 

a smile up on that face. Frowns aren’t so cute!

Um girl, this restaurant smells like an old foot.

Yo blondie, I’ve been waiting for an hour.

Hey! Bring the chef to my wife right away.

Yes, waitress? My beans taste very sour.

No, we don’t want dessert, but we will stay.

Bad beef, no grin, too flushed, smells like armpit?

Dear customer, here’s what I have to say 

about your cold food. I don’t give a shit!

I have been biting my tongue, by the way.

I wanna tell you something new, sound good?

Shut up, put on a smile. You think you could?