Jacob’s Garden

Carly Madden

(Lights up on a spring scene: a big mansion on an estate somewhere secluded—house is old and falling apart a bit, lawn and weeds are a bit overgrown.

An older man in his late 50’s sits on a stone ledge in the garden, working on something behind it that the audience cannot see.

Another man in his late 40’s to early 50’s enters, walking slowly and solemnly, coat in hand, shoulders slouched, and looking at the ground.

The first man notices him walking, studies him for a moment, then speaks up.)        

Edgar

Just got the can, huh?

Jacob

How did you know?

Edgar

I recognize the look. What position?

Jacob

Butler.

Edgar

I didn’t know they still called you that. Probably sucked though, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing you get t’ run free.

Jacob

It actually wasn’t that horrible—I mean it wasn’t fantastic, but it was stable and… comfortable.  I’ve been in that job for half my life…

Edgar

So what did you do wrong t’ mess it all up?

Jacob

I have no idea.

Edgar

Well, that’s the boss lady for ya. She gets cranky and takes it out on the closest person.

Jacob

I’m assuming you work for Dr. Goran, too?

Edgar

Gardener.

              (Holds up one of the gardening tools surrounding him.)

Sit down, stay a while.

              (Jacob hesitantly sits on the stone wall next to Edgar.)

So what are you goin’ t’ do now that you’re free?

Jacob

Um… I guess… maybe I’ll…

Edgar

Take your time, I’ve got all day.

Jacob

It could take a while.

             (Laughs half-heartedly, embarrassed.)

I really have no idea what to do from here.

Edgar

Hey, that’s alright. I have no clue what I want t’ do with my life. No clue. And I’m already over hallway through it! Your best options are t’ go out in that big, “beautiful” world and figure it out… or just hang around here and annoy the nasty lady who ruined it all ‘til you do figure it out.

Edgar

              (Laughs half-heartedly again, this time uncomfortable.)

I guess so.

Edgar

No guess. I’m right.

             (Turns back to the garden and starts working on something hidden to the audience.)         

Edgar

That woman makes this place hell so she’d deserve it.

Jacob

I never really minded her.

Edgar

Ha, well I did. My pay sucks. I work way more than I should, and I’ve never gotten an ounce of appreciation. She looks at me like I’m beneath her.

Jacob

Well… aren’t we? She hired us… she’s paying us… she’s automatically above us.

Edgar

Wow… we are very different people, my friend. There’s a difference between treating your employees like employees and treating them like servants. She does the latter.

Jacob

I never felt like a servant.

Edgar

I did. Got screamed at every time I did something wrong—actually… pretty much every time I saw her she found something t’ yell at me for. Once, I thought she was going to hit me.

              (Belly laughs.)

Jacob

I just tried to do everything right to avoid that. And I thought I was doing pretty well… until today.

Edgar

Did she scream at you?

Jacob

No… she was calm actually… she just… told me I was done.

Edgar

Well what did you do?

Jacob

Nothing—

Edgar

You must have done something.

Jacob

              (Snappy.)

If I had done something majorly wrong I think I would remember it.

Edgar

Okay, okay, not tryin’ t’ stir up any crazy emotions here. Just tryin’ t’ help.

Jacob

I know, I know… it’s just so… I’ve been going back and forward like that in my head… it’s so… frustrating to dedicate so much of your life to carrying out someone’s daily tasks and doing it all correctly only to be fired for it.

Edgar

See, this is what I mean—she’s way too harsh. I bet she got tired of you because you didn’t put enough honey in her tea one morning. Once, she cut my pay because I didn’t trim her favorite hedge short enough. Oh, and another time she refused to pay me ‘til I figured out that I had forgotten to refill the flower box outside her bathroom window. Her bathroom window! So what if I forgot it one time? Just give me my damn paycheck, lady!

              (Belly laughs. Jacob smiles shyly.)

That woman is just infuriating.

Jacob

She never really bothered me. I think once I figured out exactly how to make her happy—

Edgar

              (Scoffs, interrupting.)

Happy is a bold word for her.

Jacob

Once I figured out how to make her content—

              (Edgar nods in approval.)

—I was able to avoid that side of her.

Edgar

Not as well as you thought. You still got fired. You’re no more special than the rest of us.

              (Jacob opens his mouth to say something but stops himself.)

What?

Jacob

Nothing, sorry.

Edgar

Nah,just say it. I’m not your boss. I’m not your “superior.”

Jacob

Nothing, it’s not important.

Edgar

Come on, don’t be scared of me, buddy. I’m not goin’ ‘t walk all over ya like she probably did.

Jacob

She didn’t walk all over me.

Edgar

Are ya sure? Seems like it t’ me. Seems like ya just let her do it, too.

Jacob

I didn’t let her walk all over me.

Edgar

So what did ya do then?

Jacob

I just did as she told. She’s the boss, I had to.

Edgar

But did she make you do more than you were hired t’ do? Did she not pay you nearly enough for all the crap you were doin’? Would she freak out if even the tiniest thing was done wrong? ‘Cause that’s what she did with me. But the only difference there is that I stood up for myself and told her t’ fuck off. You just went along with it.

Jacob

              (Shakes his head and looks at the ground.)

She treated me like an employee and I treated her like an employer.

Edgar

Nah, she treated you like a slave. She treats all of us like slaves. And you treated her like your master.

(The two sit in silence for a few moments, Jacob thinking and contemplating whether or not Edgar is right about his experience with his boss.)

Jacob

You didn’t really tell her to…

              (Softly.)

fuck off, did you?

Edgar

              (Laughs.)

I did.

Jacob

There’s no way you’d still be employed if you said that to her face.

Edgar

Funny you should mention that—

Dr. Goran

              (Yelling from a “window of the mansion”—off stage.)

Who is that down there? Why are you sitting in my garden?

Edgar

Speak of the devil.

              (Yelling up to the “window.”)

It’s me, Sylvia, your one true love!

(Grabs ahold of a group of flowers in the garden, yanks them out of the ground violently, then holds them up towards the “window,” dirt falling everywhere.)

Dr. Goran

Ugh, you again—you’d better be gone by the time I get down there or I will call the police again!

Edgar

              (To Jacob.)

Pretty sure she never actually did it the first time.

              (Laughs and sits back down on the stone wall.)

Jacob

She’s going to call the police on us—well…you? Why would she do that?

Edgar

Well, like I was saying earlier before Goran so rudely interrupted me, is that technically… I’m not really supposed t’ be here ‘cause… I technically don’t work here anymore.

Jacob

              (Shocked.)

You’re not employed?

Edgar

Nope! Got fired two weeks ago.

              (Laughs.)

Jacob

Then… why are you still here making me think you work here?

Edgar

It’s fun. I’ve been hangin’ around t’ annoy Goran ‘til she hires a new gardener. 

(Lifts a pile of healthy flowers and plants ripped out of the ground from behind the wall so Jacob and the audience can finally see what he’s actually been working on the entire time.)

Jacob

              (Stands up to leave.)

Wow… and to think I was actually starting to believe everything you were saying… you’re just crazy.

Edgar

Oh come on, everything I said is still true. I just omitted the one tiny detail that I’m legally not supposed t’ be here.

Jacob

Well, what about all that “go out into the world and find what you really want to do” stuff? Why aren’t you doing that?

Edgar

I will eventually… just not today. I just go wherever life takes me… and right now it’s tellin’ me t’ annoy the shit out of our horrible ex-boss. But you can still do that—ya know, go out into the world—you should do it.

Dr. Goran

(Yelling from the “door of the mansion”—off stage.)   

The police are on their way. Do you hear me? You’d best be gone by the time I reach you.

Jacob

I think that’s my cue to leave.

Edgar

No! This is our chance—your chance—t’ find out what ya’ did to get fried.

Jacob

I don’t really care anymore…

Edgar

Come on, you deserve the respect of knowing. Don’t let her walk all over ya, remember?

(The two look at each other for a moment and then shake hands in silent agreement.)

Edgar

Good luck, Mr. Butler.

Dr. Goran

(Enters. She is a white widow in her mid-70’s, dressed in an expensive dress with thick makeup.)

I’m not going to tell you again—get moving, you’re not welcome here anymore.

Dr. Goran

(Notices Jacob. There is a moment of recognition and almost softness on her face, but it quickly hardens again.)

You too, move along.

Edgar

I was never welcome to begin with.

Jacob

Dr., I would like to know why you let me go.

Dr. Goran

Excuse me?

Jacob

I have spent so much of my life working here and doing everything I could to make you happy. Why now? What did I do? I think—I know I deserve a better explanation.

(Edgar stands up next to him, looking impressed and comically tough to mock Dr. Goran.)

Dr. Goran

I don’t owe you anything—I stand by my “explanation” from our talk earlier today—I no longer require your services here.

Edgar

That sounds like exactly the bullshit ya fed t’ me.

Dr. Goran

How dare you speak to me like that.

Edgar

I can speak t’ you anyway I want, you’re no better than me—

(Edgar and Dr. Goran continue to ad-lib yell over each other.)

Jacob

              (Yelling over both of them.)

Dr. Goran!

(Dr. Goran and Edgar stop talking, shocked at Jacob’s sudden outburst, which is not like his usual character.)

Jacob

I understand why you fired him. He was horrible. But he stood up to you. And that’s what I want to do to now. I wasn’t horrible. So I want to know what I did to deserve being let go after all those years of dedicated service to you.

Dr. Goran

              (Beat.)

Well! I expected disrespect like this from your friend here, but never from you.You were a good employee. But I don’t have to tell you anything other than the fact that I no longer require your services. I make my decisions because I can. And I don’t have to explain to anyone—especially the butler—why I make them.

Edgar

              (To Jacob.)

Ya see, this is her problem,

              (To Dr. Goran.)

the way butler rolls of your lipstick smudged, foul tongue—

(Dr. Goran opens her mouth to yell back at Edgar, but Jacob interrupts both of them before their fight can continue.)

Jacob

You know what—it’s not worth it. I’m ready to walk away to something much, much better for me. Goodbye. 

(Jacob turns towards Edgar and gives him a nod and slight bow as if to say “thank you.” Walks away with his shoulders back and his head held high. Exits. 

Dr. Goran and Edgar glare at each other for a bit. Edgar mockingly waves to her as if to say “goodbye,” and she turns to stomp back “inside.”Runs her tongue over her teeth and raises a hand to her lips as if to clean her mouth of lipstick where it’s not supposed to be while she walks away. Exits. 

Edgar sits back down, sighs, smiles, and continues pulling healthy plants out of the garden while humming under his breath.

Lights fade out.)

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